He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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