shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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