Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
