also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
