dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
