take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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