I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
