So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
