Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
