It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
