I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
