i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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