Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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