I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
