put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
