This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i was born a porn star she said
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
