You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
