dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
