my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
