Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
