I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
