Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You dont lie about slip and slides
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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