I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
