She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
