Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize