So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
