My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize