Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
