My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
