if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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