She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
