Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
