that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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