I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
