This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
