I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
