I'm eating all of the evidence.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
this is an emotional support booty call
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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