It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
