I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
