so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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