i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
