I want to walk on stilts...naked
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
