check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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