Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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