Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
where am i from again
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
false alarm, still single
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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