I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
