Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
