my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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