So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
