hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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