I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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