the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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