you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
