but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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