Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
