textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
