she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize