remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
