i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
