Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
