Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
