im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
