What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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