Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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