im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
