Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
