just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
