the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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