I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
