ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
