So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize