Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize