Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
