SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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