do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
