kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize