My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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